According to https://www.simplypsychology.org/:

Attachment styles refer to the particular way in which an individual relates to other people. The style of attachment is formed at the very beginning of life, and once established, it is a style that stays with you and plays out today in how you relate in intimate relationships and in how you parent your children.

Your style of attachment is most likely from how your parents (the parent/parents who raised you) related with you when you were younger and you are most likely to pass it unto your children. Recognizing your attachment style could be the first step in strengthening your adult relationships.

Attachment styles are recognized based on these three (3) dimensions according to https://www.evergreenpsychotherapycenter.com/:

The first dimension is closeness, meaning the extent to which people feel comfortable being emotionally close and intimate with others. The second is dependence/avoidance, or the extent to which people feel comfortable depending on others and having partners depend on them. The third is anxiety, or the extent to which people worry their partners will abandon and reject them.

There are different types of attachment styles, occurring in all stages of the human development based on the above mentioned dimensions.

1. Dismissive (Avoiding or Avoidant)
2. Autonomous (Secure)
3. Preoccupied (Anxious)
4. Unresolved (Disorganized)

Now, let's dive, head first (please relax), into these styles.

Dismissive (Avoiding or Avoidant)

This person is emotionally distant in an intimate relationship, keeps their partner at arm's length and tries to switch off all feelings of attachment.

They equate intimacy with loss of independence and therefore will not allow themselves to be dependent on their partner. 

Their communication is always intellectual, doing their best to avoid any discussions on emotions and they avoid conflicts. If you find yourself here, there is the danger of not being available emotionally for your partner and same applies to your children. Your children are more likely to become avoidant too.

 

Autonomous (Secure)

This individual is able to form secure, loving relationships with others. Trusts others and can in turn be trusted, they are not threatened by a partner who asks for space and do not fear intimacy. They are able to depend on others without becoming totally dependent. 

About 56% of adults are said to have this type of attachment style according to foundational attachment research by social psychologists Cindy Hazan and Phillip Shaver in the 1980s.

Looking at how this attachment style sounds, I'd say we should strive to have these in our relationships, wouldn't it be lovely?

 

Preoccupied (Anxious)

This attachment style is an insecure one, yeah, any other attachment style that is not Autonomous or Secure is obviously insecure. It is characterized by a deep fear of abandonment.

People who are anxiously attached tend to be very insecure about their relationships, always seeking for validation and scared that their partner could leave them anytime. Anxious attachment is associated with "neediness" or clingy behavior, such as getting very anxious when your partner doesn't text back fast enough and constantly feeling like your partner doesn't care enough about you.

It is suprising that according to Hazan and Shaver's research, only 19% of adults are in this category, well, maybe the figures need to be updated since it was conducted in the 1980s. In 2021, I think most people are anxiously attached though, just my thoughts, don't mind me. Let's move on to the final attachment style.

 

Unresolved (Disorganized)

This one is a combination of both the anxious and avoidant attachment styles -- no wonder the name "disorganized". There is something interesting with these people though, they crave affection but still avoid it at all costs (oh wow). 

They are quite reluctant to form close romantic relationships, yet, they still feel the need to be loved by others. it's very rare and not well-researched.  But we do know it's associated with significant psychological and relational risks, including heightened sexual behavior, an increased risk for violence in their relationships, and difficulty regulating emotions in general.

That's all on attachment styles, hope you learnt something new, drop your comments below for me please. And oh yeah, all comments are anonymous... Till the next article...ermmm.

The End